Unjustified

You never realize you’ve experienced trauma until after it’s happened.
Isn’t that sick?
We’re conditioned to believe someone else always had it worse
We’re unjustified

Our symptoms are made up
Our emotions aren’t real
It’s all in my head
I am playing victim

Fuck you.

I am a victim and I don’t feel pride in saying it
You help make me feel shameful
Shameful for things I couldn’t control
Things I couldn’t change

I was a child.
I hadn’t been taught how to handle it all
I coped as best I could
I don’t want these terrible scars

But wait I forgot
What scars?
It’s all made up
It isn’t as bad as I make it seem

I can’t even remember what it was like
Because to survive I HAD to forget
I had to bury the memories that tormented me
I couldn’t let my life become my future

I had to do better
I had to fight the odds
I had to wake up every day and survive
I had to adapt

You can’t tell me how to feel
You can’t tell me how to think
Am I not finally free?
Why do I still feel like I’m trapped?

-K.M.
Circa 2018