Hey Big Brother

Hey Big Brother,
Remember when we were kids
And used to fight ninjas in the backyard?
Remember when you taught me how to skateboard?
Or when we used to play tar tag?

I didn’t forget
You were my best friend
I looked up to you.

Hey Big Brother,
Remember when we had to move
And we had to make new friends?
Remember how school sucked?
And how badly we missed our old neighborhood?

I remember
You were Scared
I thought you were strong.

Hey Big Brother,
Remember when grandpa died
And we had to say goodbye?
Remember when dad cried at the funeral?
And how it broke our families hearts?

I can’t forget
You were quiet then
I was too.

oh..Hey big brother,

Remember when you started getting high
And letting it take over your life?
Remember when you stole anything for a high?
And when we had locks on all our bedroom doors?

I remember that.
You were angry
I hoped you’d get better..

Hey big brother…
Remember when you ran away for the holidays
While mom cried herself to sleep every night?
Remember when dad begged you to let him help you?
And was in tears when you wouldn’t let him?

I won’t forget
You were lost
I was scared for you.

Hey big brother.
Remember when I used to scream at you
And try to make you understand you needed help?
Remember when you held my head against the couch
And made me fear for my life because of what i said to you?

I can’t stop remembering
You were fading
And I was hurting

Hey big brother.
Remember when you started frying your brain
And having violent hallucinations?
Remember how you couldn’t hold a conversation
And how hard mom tried to get you help? 

I wanted to forget
You were gone
I was numb.

Hey big brother
Remember when you dragged our pregnant sister down the hallway?
And how I had to call 911 to get you off of her?
Remember when you threw a chair at mom
And let our baby nieces watch?

I remember
You were hateful
I was trapped.

Hey Big Brother.
Remember when you killed my cat?
And let me watch him die slowly?
Remember when you didn’t tell anyone what you did?
And watched me cry while he died in my arms?

I still remember
You were cruel
I was broken.

Hey, Big Brother.
I hope you remember
What I wish I could Forget.

-K.M.